5/10/16

its scattered everywhere, like pieces of puzzles. some under the sofa, some under the table, some is just somewhere invisibly, comfortably, nestled. 

everything is a blur, and everywhere is a sore. i feel like i've been running for a marathon, the problem is i don't know where its going to end; or do i really want the prize. 

i find myself looking and finding. i guess the deeper the water, the darker it gets. 

i hate myself for hurting you, and i hate you for hurting me. we keep throwing knives at each other, and we both keep acting like we are good at seizing them. we are both bleeding, we just don't know how to stop. partly because we have no other choices, partly because we think its worth it, mostly because we think we are the only one who bleed.

it's like i know i am not enough for you, so i end up blaming myself, and i don't know how to handle the guilt so i end up blaming you too, and you end up being hurt, and the cycle continues. its like there's no ending, or maybe i just don't want to try to end it. because i don't know how to, and i know you won't understand anyway.

it's dark, all the lights are out, and we decide to close our eyes. because it's not dark enough, it never is.