I did it, i did it few times before. I thought i did it to make me happy, but i forget how i felt back then. Was doing it made me happy? Or did it feel like betraying you, hurting you, which in some way was a revenge for all the things you had made me went through. I want to do it once again just to make sure i did it for me, not for you. 

I want to do it once again because for once: i want to do things for the sake of me, and not for you; like how i always did.