2/17/15

I Want to Write Something

Currently having lunch with myself! Yay! A well deserved me-time.

I feel....... hollow lately. I'm free these past weeks due to semester break. But i really have nothing to do. Like, nothing. Except to run few errands to burn out some calories and watch TV shows. 

I was sick yesterday, i ended up having too much sleep to drown the drowsiness. And anything too much is nowhere near good. So here i am, alone and content, sitting in front of my laptop in a cafe full of strangers and a song i have never heard, trying to find things to write about.

Last week i decided to buy "642 Things to Write About. Young Writer's Edition.". But i haven't really been able to fill it in because i was being lazy. I'll start today, i guess. 

I am not sure if i am a writer, or i was not. But yesterday i stumbled upon someone's beautiful writing, and she said that as long as you write, you are a writer. 

I kind of agree. Maybe i am not necessarily a good writer, but i do write. And sometimes, its the only thing that can make me happy. And even if nobody reads my writings, i am still a writer. Because writers are the people who write, not people who are read. 

I have found, i find, i am finding comfort through the words i have written, wrote, and am writing, and not exactly from the people who read them. 

Sometimes... i feel like locking my blog and write only to myself. Because this blog is something i treasure, something i don't want to share with anyone. Something i can be opened up to, something that knows my weakness. A place where i can be myself. 

But every time i was about to click private this blog, i'd like to imagine that there's someone out there, whose heart i can touch through my writings. Like the way i am touched by other people's masterpiece. I'd like to think that there's at least someone who enjoys reading my naked thoughts. I have never been this bare to someone; this thoughtful, this sensitive, this honest, with anything beside this blog. I'd like to think there's someone who can relate to what i have been going through, and realise that she/he is not the only one who is struggling. I don't even need two or three people, if someone, a person, out there can feel comforted by me, it helps me feel like i am less worthless. 

So here i am, keep writing to a blog that no one probably reads.

Lets end this post and start my future ramblings with poetry:

I Want to Write Something So Simply
by Mary Oliver

I want to write something
so simply
about love
or about pain
that even
as you are reading
you feel it
and as you read
you keep feeling it
and though it be my story
it will be common,
though it be singular
it will be known to you
so that by the end
you will think—
no, you will realize—
that it was all the while
yourself arranging the words,
that it was all the time
words that you yourself,
out of your heart
had been saying.”