8/10/14

I Dont Do Regrets

You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.

maybe i have left you all behind with the impression of how struggling i was and how i tried to get up from my /so far/ lowest point; maybe, and there is a big chance of probability, you can't see the fact that i am a very positive — and a thankful person. 

here is the thing: i see regret as a waste of feeling. i think what has already passed as a past, and i look forward to things that are in front of me. i always try to be glad for what i have, and what i used to have. 

i said i was made out of the scars i have gotten. i am telling you now; i also believe that life is built out of the steps i have left behind. steps i have gotten through. its a pattern, you see. like how steve jobs decided to take caligraphy class out of the blue, and apple turned out to have the best fonts. 

the path that you took, and the ones that you will take. they build you. they build your life.

and based on that i do believe. i do believe that there's nothing to regret. the slump i had been in, the mistakes i did, the struggle i have chosen, it makes me who i am. and even if i don't like who i am now, i still dont have regrets. the current me is not the future me. there is always a room of improvement that i am trying to fill in. 

but for your information, i do like myself. i do embrace my strengths and weaknesses. i embrace the fact that i am not a good student, and it may sound like an excuse to you, but i dont believe in the system. there are a lot of factors that determine someone's career to be successful, and its not measured merely by the written tests. life skills are things you learn in the field. 

i embrace the fact that i am not good with keeping relationships. i am not the type to keep in touch with a lot of people, just those who i find very comfortable with. 

i embrace the fact that i love writing, and am quite good at it. but i do realize that dozens of people out there are even better than me. and yes, i admit its kind of making me insecure — i dont feel like i am good at anything else, and to find out that there are people who effortlessly write beautifully doesn't help. but i learn to love myself and the consequences i am facing. 

and, 
being positive doesnt mean i easily get off the hook of being puzzled by this life. it, however, makes it easier to bear. but uncertainty kills. i want the puzzles to be complete quickly, because questioning makes me tired. but then.... whats the point of life then, if it was already figured out.

maybe, you know, the holes there, the missing puzzles, are the one that make life meaningful. the ones that make you keep guessing, makes you take life not for granted.

You are tired,

e.e. cummings

You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.

Come with me, then,
And we’ll leave it far and far away–
(Only you and I, understand!)

You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and–
Just tired.
So am I.

But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,
And knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart–
Open to me!
For I will show you the places Nobody knows,
And, if you like,
The perfect places of Sleep.

Ah, come with me!
I’ll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,
That floats forever and a day;
I’ll sing you the jacinth song
Of the probable stars;
I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,
Until I find the Only Flower,
Which shall keep (I think) your little heart
While the moon comes out of the sea.