Buat Usha.

truth be told, dear you, i have this heavy burden on my chest, and i figured the burden is a guilty feeling. one, i am sorry that i cant give you one of the supposed to be your best day when you definitely deserve it so much. second, i feel like i dont match the title 'close friend' for you. 

to clarify though, i dont forget that today is your birthday. i mean duh, i am not that ignorant. but i want to give you a meaningful wishes, not just random ramblings. so this took me almost a day to write. 

hey U, i wish you the happiest birthday. and if you didn't have one: then i wish you the happiest things in life in the upcoming days. we dont talk everyday, we dont tell each other everything the second things happened; but i dont think frequency have that much of a meaning because when we meet, i know we just clicked. i know my shoulders probably aren't your first choice to cry on, but i want to tell you that they are ready for you whenever. i know i wouldn't be able to always be there physically when things are happening, but i want you to know that i am going to be there hugging you from faraway.

we have gone through a lot hadn't we? especially last year when it was right for you to say that my life was a total mess. when i happened to cry out of nowhere, or just curled on a corner being busy with myself. i want to thank you, because even if you hadnt done anything in particular, your presence made it better. i knew i could rely on you, at least.

um, lets not forget that we both actually had been in a slump last year? i dont want to brag or anything, lol, but you know i have tried my best to stand by your side, yes? if you didnt realize that then go away, we cant be friends anymore. (kidding).

now that i have moved and become miles away from your daily life, i hope we are still able to keep the bond tight, alright? 

i wish you the best things in life, U. and it came out like i didnt properly prepare a wish for you, seemed like i only threw a common (very common) wish out there for you.

but i am telling you this, and you need to believe in this also: i am saying this in the most sincerest and thoughtful way. i wish you the best, for the short and long run. life is a roller coaster, you are going to feel like you want to puke because its tiring, you also are going to feel like a bird flying free on cloud nine because its satisfying. i am not going to wish you a life full of happiness, because as much as i like fiction, i do know that there is no such thing. so i wish you strength that will help you get through this imperfect life. i wish you to have something that you can always count on; in whatever form it is. it can be a person, it can be a thing. something to remind you that life is worth living. 

i support you to be a doctor, but i am not particularly hoping you will be one. i have another hope for you, and that is satisfying career and personal life. i wish you to have a balance of both; a perfect mixture of love and fulfilled passion. because if there are things i have learned for the past 17 years i have lived, i can tell you that without a perfect dose of both, life would be less meaningful.

Remember that you are loved, and worth loving for.

and remember, i will never ever be this sweet again to you. 

so enjoy it while it lasts.

happy sweet 17th my dear friend, i sarang you.

Selma, XX.

p.s: a poem i searched for you. 

by Philip Booth

So, there's no way to be sure. Not
about much of anything. No more about
anyone else than ourselves. Perhaps
not even of death, except that it's bound
to happen. To you, yes; to me, us: the lot
of humankind, given how humankind sees it
from this near side. So what.

So nothing that we here and now
can perfectly know. Save, though the lens
our eyes raise, the old here and now.
The this, the already-going that moves us.
The red-shift we're constantly part of.
And why not? Between what we were, and
are going to be, is who and how we best love.