July's Blabberism

Its been long time.
And in case you wonder: no, i did not forget you. I was catching up with life, since at one point i was stuck and lost my grip of this unstopping train.

Took me days to write this. I thought it was because i had nothing to say, then i realized that i actually had a lot to express — i just don't know how. 

July. Almost August. Rain season is getting close. It was raining the first time i wrote this post. How many times have i said i don't like it? I still don't. I still find it disturbing. No matter how poets describe it in such a romantic way, i just cant find it appealing. 

So how is life so far? You may ask.

I moved. In the most literal way possible. 
Not leaving, no. 
Not forgetting, not even. 
Not going away. 
Just move. 

Yes and no: 
Yes, i have moved. But it doesn't necessarily mean i have moved on. A part of me is still left behind, pieces, the result of my past. Parts that have built me into what i am now. And i plan on leaving them there. Some memories, some people, some places are just meant to be remembered. 

I learned something; 
I am embracing the fact that you and i are not going to be on the same path. I am embracing the fact that we never will. I at least stopped being so naive, and thats a good thing i guess. Some things are just not meant to be, some things are. I'll have to confront with them at the end of the day.

Embracing it does lead into disappointment, because embracing means i am starting to understand. I am realizing, and yet its still hard to fully accept it — to absorb it and let it soak into my under-skin. 

Your words still sting; not as much as they used to, but still.
Either i am getting used to it, or just simply tired of fighting back. Its a different kind of giving up though. Now, i feel like giving up is the best thing i can do. And me giving up at this point is not because of desperation, its more because of self-protection. To be away from those miserable nights which spent away by fighting the urge to break down. Or sucked into a break down mode.