you cant.

i dont know how many times i have said this to myself: go ahead, face the reality. its going to be okay. face. it.

and i always ended up facing it. and i always ended up being hurt again. i always ended up being so weak. no matter how hard i tried to be strong.

here is the thing: you dont understand. you dont see it. you never tried. 

news flash, i am not harmless. i have scars here and there all over my past, and sometimes i ran out of band aids. 

i even got tired with the word tired, because i have been using it way too often, because its the closest thing that can describe how it feels like. 

i am trying to be better, to make up those lost times, to have better days with you, to make you happy, to make me happy, but you just never see it. you dont appreciate little things i have changed.

you make me feel tiny, like a piece of paper being soaked in the water, ready to be torn into little wet pieces. and i dont want to be torn. so i am afraid, afraid afraid so afraid. i may act tough, i may act strong and i may act harsh. but cant you see its a mask i am putting on, just to be away from pain? away from sadness?

you cant.