This week is something. I got sick Tuesday, feeling better Wednesday. But my head is still sometimes buzzing and i dont feel really well. Had a pretty heavy convo this afternoon. And it reminded me of something;
No, i may not be running to a short cut escape. Maybe i am running to something i have wanted for so long yet so vague and impossible that i started to believe that its not right. Maybe i get used to the rough patches that always come along the way, that i stopped seeking for happiness a long time ago.
I have been rolling up myself into a small ball, hiding from whats out there. I started to believe there is no other way out of this. I started to think that darkness is the new light.
There is a reason why i am an introvert to certain people, and i have just realized it today. I am shutting some people out, because as stupid as it sounds, i am afraid of getting known. Afraid of being found, afraid of being seen.
And i kind of tired with that. Maybe there is a way out, maybe this one is.
We're too often fighting, that when we dont, im afraid something big (a war, maybe) is going to happen between us. I had promised myself not to make a scene, but its kind of difficult when you dont make an effort too. I need to have some space, just physically and mentally, to just let it go and accept the fact that maybe i am the one who needs to sacrifice, and not us. That this is the only way. And as sad and as unfair it might be; maybe its okay. i really just want to make a peace. With you, and with myself. I am getting better, but please be patient. Things take time.