i was not sad nor frustrated, nor losing hope or giving up. i thought. i didn't really know? because i didn't dwell on it every second, i didn't even think about it. but my chest felt like it was being punched, and i was somehow gasping for air. nobody saw it though. nobody could.
at one point then, it occured to me that probably i was hit so bad, if thats the right word, that i didn't even realize i am sad and probably broken. maybe because i really didn't want to think about it. but my body did. my unconcious self did.
my tears definitely did.
because they just fell off my face suddenly, whether i was laying on my bed or even praying. but i didn't even think about anything. i was just watching tv.. then suddenly my face was already wet. and my chest still feels like its being punched until now. and i partly know why, partly don't...
it just does not make any sense.
i am going insane :)