7/4/13

i hate it

i hate it. i hate it that you have mood swings. i hate it that i have that too. i hate the way you expertly ruin good atmosphere around me. i hate it that sometimes i cant really be me around you. i hate it that im cursing on my mind about you. i hate it that i try not to care about every single words you say, but at the same time i dont want to disappoint you. i hate it that every time i thought we might had worked some things out, you have ways to prove that i was wrong. i hate the mixed signals and feelings you throw on me. and i hate that i always know what those really mean. i hate that i am too smart to let loose and have fun without knowing that you think its wrong. i hate it that you arent so sensitive to know im under pressure. i hate it that you think I might be happy because some things, when all i have ever needed and asked for was your presence. as yourself. i hate it that it wasnt so complicated before. i hate the new us. its not you and its not me. its you and me. both too stubborn to hold hands and walk together on the same road. the option is whether walk on the center of the road, or walk on the sidelines. im tired. maybe you are too. i understand you, but i dont show it to you, because even if it doesnt make sense, i really just want to see, even if its a only a second - or a pinch, that you understand me too. and you are willing to walk with me together.