6/23/13

Cycle

the whole world doesn't need to know that you cry in your sleep.
that tears stream down your face even when you try to blind your mind.
that you're trying so hard to block everything out but theres nothing you can do but feel sad
or guilty
or wrong
or incomplete

how an empty mind can leave you such a unbearably miserable feelings. its empty - it should be mindless. kosong. sepi. mati rasa. numb. but all you feel is wrong. you are wrong. this is wrong. everything is wrong and out of place. convincing yourself that everything is okay when you know FOR SURE that its not. its all a waste, you know, lying to yourself. but you cant help but lie again and again because you think it would help you heal the scars. but it would not. the pain isnt leaving, you are just burying them with piles of lie from YOU to make YOU think YOU are getting better. its a funny cycle. YOU are fighting for YOUr own happiness. by lying to YOUrself that everything is alright and YOU can let it go. and then YOU act like YOU believe YOUr own lie even when YOU know its a lie. so YOU t h i n k that YOU are happy because YOU wanted to think YOU are.

what i just wrote, they were mess. but you cant say that they are not right. :))