Friday 8 Sept 2017, 6:44 AM, Melbourne Tullamarine Airport
slept at 1.30 am, woke up at 4 am, packed up, cooked, washed some dishes, listened to music and cleaned up the apartment - and then here i am, with warm food, a backpack full of clothes, sleepy head and a new journey ahead!
think of it as a weekend getaway, or traveling with friends, or visiting Brisbane, or whatever else you think suits, but i think its a way to reward myself for the past stressful months and a motivation, to fuel up again for the tough months ahead.
i thought, why didnt i do this sooner? traveling and see the world just like how i liked it? you know that feeling when you find your favourite book in the bottom of a pile of junk and realised; how did i end up forgetting what i loved? what i once loved and what i still love?
i think life got in the way - it kept me busy enough to not think or miss it. but i think i changed too; i was straying away from the things that i love, which i regret, obviously.
these days i have been thinking of how i have wasted my time here in melbourne. last semester, my anxiety was at its worst stage - i was nowhere near happy. the environment i was in didnt make me happy. my life didnt make me happy. but it was like a drug; it was wrong but i couldnt fix it, and eventually im being dependant on it. it felt like feeling miserable was a necessity. along the way i stopped thinking it was wrong and i ended up questioning 'what is happiness anyway?'
but i've became so much better now. making up for those lost times. travel, visit places, become happy. i think its important to not giving up on yourself - while im not totally happy, its getting better and thats something.