6 months ago i shared the news with everyone that i was getting better
few months have gone by so fast after that, i was content and happy and felt like i've got it all together again
for once, i feel like it's not me against the world anymore, because i don't need to fight; everything was going fine
but now i am here, and i am back to square one
i am exactly where i was a year ago
same shit, different reason
same shit, even more fucked up
because i have no reason to feel this way.
i have grown a lot for the past year
i should have known better
i know better.
i know why i am feeling this way
i'd like to believe i do
actually, no, i dont
everything revolves around the shoulds
i should've gotten better by now
i should've known better by now
i should, i should, i should.
the evil in me convinced me to hate myself
she said my feelings weren't valid and i trusted her,
i still do.
i dont even know what to say, to be honest
actually i do, i just dont have the ability, the energy, to express them
i cant feel the ground im standing
i cant feel the air im (not) inhaling (gotta love panic attacks, eh?)
i cant grip reality
after all these years,
i should've won this battle.
i should have.
i really should have.